


I don’t know what to name this

by sbartist



Category: Veep (TV)
Genre: Canon Divergence, Cutesy, F/M, Gen, alternative universe, idk why i wrote this, it’s pretty bad so lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-25
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2020-03-17 03:46:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18957241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sbartist/pseuds/sbartist
Summary: I wrote this to heal myself from the s7 disaster. This is also my first fic ever. it’s a cutesy season 1 AU where Dan takes Amy to that concert with Jonah and things ensue. So enjoy reading my disjointed creative writing.





	I don’t know what to name this

“This is going to come back and bite you in the ass, you know.” 

“Trust me on this Amy.”

“No.” 

“So you’ll come right?”

“Yeah, over your dead body.” 

“Come on Ames, it’ll be fun. It’s not like you do much at home anyway.”

“For your information, I have a very busy life outside of work.”

“Watching period dramas and eating ice cream doesn’t count.” 

Amy gives him a withering glare and that’s when he knows she needs just a little bit more incentive. 

“I’ll buy your drinks.” 

That definitely worked judging by how her ears actually perked up at the thought of free alcohol. Plus the prospect of getting Amy white girl wasted was enough return on this investment. 

“No means no Dan. It’s practically one of the main platforms of the party.” 

“And coffee tomorrow.” 

Ok maybe this isn’t worth that much. He’ll just go for the show alone. He’ll get all the credit as well, that would be lighter on the pocket and better for his ego. 

Amy has other plans though. Taking his silence as acceptance, 

Amy says, “What time will you pick me up by?” 

“7:30. And skip the heels, they don’t make  
much of a difference anyway. “ 

*****

Amy was going to kill Dan. And if you asked her why, she was drunk enough to rattle off her list starting from most recent. She should have backed out the moment they had to park a block up because the place didn’t have parking. Or when the people standing outside were all smoking cheap cigarettes and looked like they hadn’t had stable jobs in at least a year. Or when Jonah came up to them and was already sweating. 

She also doesn’t know why she listened to Dan and wore flats. She had some sensible heeled ankle boots she had just gotten on sale at Bloomingdales that would have been just fine for this. But here she was, in a pair of converse from college, with Jonah and Dan of all people, waiting for some godforsaken band to play or whatever the fuck was going on. Jesus fuck she was going to regret this in the morning. 

Okay it wasn’t that bad, the place definitely could be shut down for health code violations, but the drinks were strong and the air conditioning worked. It could be worse. 

Dan however hadn’t been able to extract anything from Jonah, who was too busy talking about how “epic” the band was and fist bumping equally sweaty people who gave her the creeps. And she was definitely not going to help Dan on this. He dug his own grave. She was just here for the alcohol and the off chance that Jonah may have an average music taste. It was a win-win really. 

***** 

Amy was going to kill him. He knew the moment the disgruntled server announced the band. 

“They’re so epic they don’t have a name, man. They aren’t even on iTunes. I can feel it in my goddamn cock every time they play a chord. Fuck, I haven’t been this turned on since I saw Deepthroat in middle school.” 

Fuck. Amy was definitely going to kill him judging by how her face scrunched up in disgust at Jonah. She liked the drinks though, so it wasn’t all bad. 

*****

Amy has never had this much personal space invaded since she went to a frat party freshman year. She was being knocked over every which way to Sunday in this hell scape of a mosh pitch and if she went down, she was definitely going to take Dan with her. 

What Dan often fails to remember in his general self-absorbance is that Amy is at least a foot shorter than him. And while it isn’t as bad when she’s in heels and in a building with sane people, it made her want to mass murder every fucker over six feet in the DC area as of now. 

It wasn’t as bad at first, just some light jostling, nothing she wasn’t used to. But the first time she was knocked back into Jonah and he actually made the mistake of touching her, Amy considered convincing Selina to pull some strings and have the whole fucking place nuked. Dan, dickweasel that he is, found this entirely amusing, judging by the smug “I got the height genes” look he was giving her. So the next time she was pushed back she made sure to step on Dan’s foot with all the force she could muster, just on general principle. It didn’t hurt as much when he winced. 

*****

“Dan.” 

“Dan.”

The fucking noise that this “band” was making was ridiculous. Who on earth called this music? All she could hear was a loud-ass base line and some dude having an episode on the microphone. Check mark headache for tomorrow’s meeting. She was right the whole goddamn time. Jonah was a useless piece of a single sentient human genome who couldn’t tell the difference between his asshole and his mouth. And Dan, man was she going to kill him, was his best friend in the primordial soup that was this fuckfest. She was going to have nightmares about this. 

“DAN.” 

Her throat was actually sore after that but at least he heard her. He leaned down to hear her, “Yeah, what’s up?” 

“I’m going to fucking kill you after this.” 

“Okay, after.” 

He wasn’t listening to her, probably trying to flirt with Jonah with his eyebrows or some shit. Jesus Christ she really was going to die here tonight. 

The crowd surged and pushed back and she found herself literally off her feet. She’d never been more thankful for Dan, he was standing right behind her and put out a hand to steady her. She also prayed to god that he never found out. 

“DAN.” 

“Listen, I didn’t ask you to be the size of a middle schooler, that’s all on you. Maybe you shouldn’t have had that third Margarita; we all know you have the tolerance of a new born. 

“I like how small Amy is, just the right size to su-“ 

It was a wonder Jonah heard them, considering how engrossed he was in this goat orgy. 

“Jonah, if you say another word I will have you castrated with my tweezers and send your child balls to your mother.” 

*****

Oh god, the “band” wasn’t even halfway through the set. Dan was still hanging on to hope though. Jonah was easy. He’d have the intel in no time and then he could be Selina’s No.1. 

“DAN.” 

Amy on the other hand looked like she didn’t know whether to cry or murder everyone in a 10 foot radius. 

“Hmm?” 

“Dan, I’m going to die. I’m going to get trampled by one of these gargantuan apes and bleed to death on the floor. You’ll probably like it though. Join in even maybe.”

Okay, so she was definitely drunk. And desperate considering the bush baby eyes she was giving him. Oh man, he’s never going to hear the end of this. 

“I don’t want to di- EXCUSE ME DID YOU JUST TOUCH M-“ 

“Hey buddy back the fuck off and take your extra limbs elsewhere will you.”

Dan added a glare from the top of Amy’s head for good measure. That should help a bit. 

Fuck it he felt kind of, the tiniest bit of bad that his cold dead heart could allow for this. He supposes he could be nice just this once, it’s not like Amy’ll remember it tomorrow, she’s too far gone. 

“Amy, come back against me.”

“If you would think I’d ever voluntarily touch you even with a ten feet pole I’ll have you sent to the psych ward at George Washington.”

“For fuck’s sake, just do it, you’ll thank me when you still have feet tomorrow.”

She considers it. And he can tell because Amy is never transparent and he can actually see her tallying the pros and cons in her head. 

“Do you really want to get molested by every dude who lives in his mom’s basement in DC?” 

“Okay, okay just no funny business okay?” 

“A little high headed of you to assume that I’m interested, I mean I know that you thought I was a good fuck but jeez Amy, maybe you should check if the feelings are mutual.” 

“I’m leaving, or committing suici-“ 

“I’m kidding, no funny business, I promise.” 

“Thank you.” 

*****

She’s drunk enough to listen to him. So she backs up against him and stands between his feet. The fact that it makes her feel safe is going to haunt her for a few days but she doesn’t think about that right now. 

The prospect of Dan getting abused by Selina also keeps her going. It’s going to be fun to watch with her hangover. She actually cannot wait. This might be the most excited she’s been in a long time. 

When some tall ass dude falls near them, Dan moves them both out of the attack zone and Jonah takes most of the brunt. 

At least she’s drunk. 

*****

“So that was a giant, gaping bust.” 

“Shut up, you didn’t even help. You just wobbled there like a drunk toddler.” 

“You did this to yourself Dan. Only you could think Jonah would be good intel.” 

“You watch, I’ll get it out of him.” 

The ride back was interesting to say the least. Amy was glad that Dan had driven them. She was in no position to operate heavy duty machinery. 

“There’s nothing to get out you idiot. He doesn’t know jackshit. You wasted my time.” 

“Hey! The drinks were good. .” 

“No they were just strong and that’s why I’m not throwing a full on bitch fest. That place was a safety hazard waiting to happen. I’m surprised no one died in there.” 

“They’d probably mosh harder if that did happen.” 

“And then I would have died, and you would have liked that wouldn’t you? Maybe when I’m gone Jonah would actually give you something.” 

“You wouldn’t have even tripped if you hadn’t gotten it into your head to go and actually have a look at who was playing. I bet you even liked that shit.” 

“I was not looking at anything, just trying to get away from you.” 

“Yeah and how did that work out?” 

Out of all her relationships, Dan was the one that stuck in her brain. She couldn’t even recall her college boyfriend’s name but she knew Dan’s blood group. Their “three dates” had been more of an eventful 4 months when she was fresh out of Yale law. And however much Dan tried to convince himself that he was just using her, she knew there was something else. You don’t drive to Maryland to eat crayfish at midnight for someone you’re using. You don’t do emergency room visits for a strawberry allergy for someone you’re just using. 

She thinks about it late at night sometimes, when she’s too tired to sleep and just sits in bed and looks out the window in the dark. She doesn’t let it cloud her judgement though, she has no time for that. 

“How much longer?” 

“10 minutes.” 

“Wake me up when we get there.” 

“Okay.” 

“Dan?” 

“Yeah?” 

“I’m going to behead you tomorrow.” 

“Okay, I’ll help you and bend down a bit.” 

“I’m serious.” 

“I know.” 

He winks at her and she’s never hated him more. 

The next morning, when he gets her a hot chocolate instead of her usual latte, she doesn’t complain.


End file.
